The Fear Factor
* Why don't people pay attention when I speak??
Portraying the emotional conflict is not enough. You have to let prospects know there is an answer to their problems. I began by including a hint:
I want people to remember my speeches!
There has to be a better way!!
And then I let them in on the doodler's agenda:
Joachim speaks so well, no wonder he's gotten ahead.
Maybe he will tell me his secrets.
Ask him! Top priority!! Contact him today!
Telling prospects about the doodler's emotional conflict is good. But actually showing them this conflict, is even better. To convey a sense of frustration, I crossed-out words on the back of the outer envelope, which looks like someone's attempts at planning a speech:
My esteemed colleagues and friends:
Too formal-No good!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen: everyone
We are gathered here this evening to honor
Sounds stuffy - I've heard this before.
glad all of event
I am pleased to welcome you to this very special gathering
to honor a very special person
I'm repeating myself
Tonight I have the honor to present
Everyone says that—I sound like a broken record.
My boss, Herr Alpner, asked me to make a speech honoring
It sounds like I don't want to do this.
How do I get started???
With the envelope completed, I began the letter with a headline paying off the implicit promise on the outer envelope: Joachim Muller's secrets make lampenfieber just a memory!
Then, after a large notice about a free gift, the letter starts with a story about Gunther, a gentleman who sounds a lot like the doodler. By the third paragraph, we know that Joachim is the letter's narrator, and that all of the outer envelope's promise is being fulfilled.