Famous Last Words: Dismal e-Pitches
Do not use shorthand. I have never heard of Trulia, DexKnows, HelloMetro and Maponics, nor do I have a clue what "GIS needs" are. This is gibberish to me, so I have zero interest in interviewing Darrin Clement, CEO of Maponics. These people are talking to themselves—not me.
#3: Hi Denny, It is no secret the down economy has turned everyone's budgets upside-down. From families to corporations, everyone is looking at the bottom line trying to make cuts. The first thing many companies, especially small companies, cut during tough times is their advertising and public relations line item. But, what many businesses don't realize is this is the worst thing they could do for their bottom line. One PR firm has decided to do something about this by creating the perfect solution to help small businesses succeed during this sluggish and uncertain time.
Julia Hutton, Founder of Orca Communications Unlimited, LLC., a public relations firm, wants to make public relations affordable for every small business by offering a new service called "Nooz Crooze Express™."
Here is a writer clearing his throat, rolling up his sleeves, rubbing his hands together and delivering a very boring minilecture and an introduction.
"Normally, the best lead paragraph for your letter," writes copywriter Pat Friesen, "is buried somewhere in the middle of your first draft copy."
Absolutely true here. The second paragraph started off strong. I was intrigued by Julia Hutton making "public relations affordable for every small business." Great concept.
But I took a powder when I saw what she called the new service: Nooz Crooze Express.
Maybe I'm a fuddy-duddy, but I just could not take this proposition seriously. Sorry, Julia.
Denny Hatch is a freelance direct marketing consultant and copywriter, and author of the e-mail newsletter, Denny Hatch's Business Common Sense. Visit him at www.businesscommonsense.com or www.dennyhatch.com, or contact him via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.