Another Insensitive Idiot Runs for Congress
As readers of this cranky rag may remember, I had nine jobs in my first 12 years in business and was fired from five of them.
I am a workaholic. I have worked steadily for 60 years and will continue to work until I am carried out of my office feet first.
On Dec. 28, long-term unemployment insurance was cut off from millions of Americans who have been laid off/fired/made redundant.
Say a person is 55. Has worked steadily for 30 years. Taxes and FICA have been paid faithfully. Suddenly the axe falls. Outsourcing and robots have wrecked the job market.
With the financial cut-off, Congress is saying to this loyal, taxpaying citizen who has been working for 30 years: "All long-term unemployed people are lazy bums looking for a handout. You're a leech on the system. Stop whining and get a job."
This makes my blood boil.
The E-Pitch from a Wannabe Congressional Poacher
My representative in Congress is Bob Brady. Good guy. Decent. Hard working. Nothing like this guy.
[See the media player at right for the email from a poacher. Please note: The original message I received is centered. It cannot be reproduced here, but it looks (and reads) real stupid.]
Date: Dec. 30, 2013
From: Daylin Leach Subject Line: Subject Line?
If you are like me (and who isn't?), you've been receiving a lot of last-minute, end of quarter solicitations from political candidates. It turns out, that after careful scientific study, we can safely conclude that contrary to popular (meaning my...) opinion, people do NOT love getting these. I repeat, do NOT love getting these.
You can tell that they are solicitations because they always include a line that says something like: "Click here to make your contribution before our deadline to help Daylin get elected."
It wasn't always like this. People used to love getting frequent, unsolicited requests for campaign contributions. But something changed in the mid 80s. I blame X-Box. Or Wham. Or both.
In any event I know you receive a number of these, not only from me, but from candidates for Governor, or the State Legislature, or the College of Cardinals, etc. So we've really been wracking our brains trying to find the best ways to stand out. We feel it is important to have a catchy subject line, so we've been experiment with subject lines that are alarming:
= You are GOING TO JAIL!
= I am in your House!
= Holy Crap! Martians!!
= Deadly Superbugs!
= Flesh Eating Hamsters!
= Hey, I've got Celine Dion tickets
Or just plain confusing
= Let me give you the gift of giving us the gift that keeps on giving!
= Time to frazzle the mushrooms!
= Hey, someone wanted my Celine Dion tickets
But at the end of the day, we feel that there is no gimmick, or clever way to say the plain truth. We are working hard to fight for the progressive values that mean so much to all of us.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
Can you imagine receiving this patronizing bullshit right after having your financial lifeline cut off and congress calling you a leech on the system?
If Daylin Leach gets elected, he will be warmly welcomed as a new member of the Federal Jackass Club.
Takeaways to Consider—Broken Rules
- "A letter should look like a letter." —Dick Benson
- Do not center the entire text.
- According to Christian Holst of Baymard Institute, online readability means line widths should be 50 to 75 characters including spaces.
- Daylin Leach's line widths run up to 102 characters. Unreadable.
- The message is smart-ass, irrelevant and hurtful during these dreadful times.
- It is also a colossal waste of a reader's time.
- And illiterate. (e.g., " ... we've been experiment with subject lines")
- I live in Center City Philadelphia where we have municipal sewage. But out in the back woods of Pennsylvania—where leach fields are everywhere—a name like Daylin Leach probably resonates.
- To me, Leach sounds like leech.