A Jeweler’s Mailing Breaks All the Rules
A good envelope shouts, "OPEN ME NOW!"
The fat blue 5-1/2" x 9" carrier from "David Birnbaum, Private Jeweler Extraordinaire" did just that.
[See the first image in the media player.]
Birnbaum's name and address on the label were in shiny gold.
The name on the address in gorgeous script: "Mr. Denison S. Hatch"
One small problem. Yes, I'm Denison.
But "S" is not my middle initial.
As Dr. Siegfried Vogele said about envelopes:
"People first look at their name. To see if it is correctly spelled. If the initials and title are right, it is for them."
I was sufficiently intrigued by David Birnbaum's envelope to keep going even though it was very likely sent in error.
Inside were two magnificently printed brochures on extra heavy glossy paper. On the cover panels are necklaces of diamonds with giant emeralds and huge sapphires.
[See the second image.]
No doubt these things sell for $100,000 or more. The diamond, ruby and emerald rings inside must go $8,000 to $15,000.
One Christmas, I splurged and bought Peggy a Hermés scarf.
But a $100,000.00 necklace?
You gotta be kidding me.
Consider Ed Mayer's dictum:
"Success in direct mail is 40 percent lists, 40 percent offer and 20 percent everything else."
Clearly this mailing went to the wrong list. It should have gone to Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Marc Cuban, Stephen Spielberg and Sean "Diddy" Combs.
Another sensible medium could be the free standing insert program hand delivered to mega-yachts in gated Mediterranean anchorages.
Birnbaum's list brokerage is sloppy. If a mailing is sent to the wrong person, it is a 100 percent failure.
My estimate: loaded with bells, whistles and expensive gizmos that had to be inserted by hand, the mailing cost $3 a pop (at least) or $3,000/M.