Time for a Communications Audit!

These emails to a customer would gag a maggot

I love it when readers send me column ideas! This one came from a colleague across the Pond with the following subject line:

Thought you'd like this order confirmation email - has some personality!

[NOTE: All names and order numbers have been changed so they cannot be traced. The prose and layout are untouched.]

From: "Firebox.com" <info@firebox.com>
Date: 29 August 2012 12:53:05 GMT+01:00
To: samplesample@gmail.com
Subject: Thank you for your Firebox.com order (#4378912)

Hi, Mr. Sample Sample

Thanks very much for your order. You really are rather nice.
This exciting email is to confirm a few things you probably already know.

1.    Your online shopping skills are truly exceptional.
2.    Firebox has strong feelings for you.
3.    See 1 & 2.

Just in case you were possessed by aliens/malevolent spirits intent on a high quality impulse buying spree, here's a confirmation of what you/they bought.

Order number 4378912, placed on the 29th August 2012.

Your box of goodies will contain:

1 x Travel Slanket (Travel Slanket -     @   13.79 GBP = 13.79 GBP
                                   Chocolate)                          ================================================
Next Day Postage & Packing: 5.95GBP
================================================
Total: 19.74 GBP

Amount paid using cards: 19.74 GBP

Our crack warehouse team will slip it (carefully) in our hand-folded packaging and have it on its way to the address below as soon as possible. (Most orders ship within 24 hours, but for specific information, check the product page).

Mrs. Margaret Pettigrew
22 Carlton St.
LONDON
BN4G 6TN
UNITED KINGDOM

We'll even drop you another email to let you know once it's out the door.