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Denny's Daily Zinger: Note to Readers - A Business Proposition

May 16, 2014 By Denny Hatch
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This is about CRM—Customer Relationship Magic.

Last night, we went out to dinner with another couple.

We walked into a large, half-full dining room, many tables covered in white tablecloths—all beautifully set. Staff were elegantly clad in sparkling white Nehru-like jackets.

We saw hardwood floors, hard walls, hard ceilings, all tables and chairs. No banquettes, no padding anywhere.

I thought, "Oh, crap."

The food was fine.

But the decibel count made conversation impossible. I had to lean over the table to hear the others and had to shout to be heard.

Restaurateurs' measurement for success used to be fine food and good service. Today, the object is to create a raging, raucous party.

What should be pleasure instantly turns to pain.

To borrow a line from Joe Flaherty, the only way a woman can communicate in this environment is to have a voice that would make the Washington Monument go limp.

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If a restaurant has been in business for a while, it's probable the food is okay.

So the real criterion for eatery CRM is the noise level.

I have just ordered a BAFX hand-held sound-level reader. I expect to pop into restaurants all over Philly and record the decibel counts.

Philly restaurant critic Craig LaBan gives ratings of one to four bells (as in Liberty Bell).

I plan to measure Philly restaurants by deci-BELLS.

If any reader is interested in helping create a national website—by city—that rates restaurants by deci-BELLS, let's talk.

Denny Hatch's new book is "Write Everything Right!" Charles Gaudet writes, "Once again, Denny Hatch provides us with sage and proven advice from the trenches. The book is chock-full of examples, takeaways, and strategies for making every word more compelling and persuasive. This is easily one of those 'top-shelf' books you'll reference time and time again." Click here to download (opens as a PDF) and read the first three chapters FREE. The title is also available on Kindle. Reach him at


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